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A Totally Serious Training Manual

The Troll Handbook

Welcome! After learning the techniques here, you'll be well on your way to driving people crazy on the internet, exhausting everyone around you, and confusing loudness with wisdom.

The modern troll faces a demanding environment. Comment sections move quickly, discussions threaten to become productive without warning, and reasonable people are constantly trying to exchange ideas in peace. Proper preparation matters.

This handbook exists to preserve standards. With discipline, practice, and a total disregard for clarity, any determined reader can learn the timeless arts of derailment, bad-faith nitpicking, and performative misunderstanding.

Table of Contents

For the Serious Student

Whether you are new to the craft or already a veteran of endless thread pollution, the handbook offers practical instruction for making every exchange longer, less useful, and more emotionally draining than it needed to be.