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Recommendations for Trolls

Naturally, the aspiring troll needs principles. Not good principles, obviously. Counterproductive ones. The kind that can turn any discussion into sludge.

Recommendation Reference Index

  1. The Troll Handbook Recommendation 1: Change the Subject
  2. The Troll Handbook Recommendation 2: Demand Infinite Proof
  3. The Troll Handbook Recommendation 3: Pretend Not to Understand Obvious Things
  4. The Troll Handbook Recommendation 4: Focus on Tone, Never Substance
  5. The Troll Handbook Recommendation 5: Nitpick Words to Death
  6. The Troll Handbook Recommendation 6: Ask "Just Questions"
  7. The Troll Handbook Recommendation 7: Treat Every Error as Total Defeat
  8. The Troll Handbook Recommendation 8: Personalize Everything
  9. The Troll Handbook Recommendation 9: Use "lol" and "lmao" as Often as Possible

The Troll Handbook Recommendation 1 Permalink

1. Change the Subject

When someone makes a clear point, never address it directly. Leap sideways into some other grievance, historical tangent, or unrelated outrage. A troll must protect the discussion from ever becoming useful.

The Troll Handbook Recommendation 2 Permalink

2. Demand Infinite Proof

Ask for sources. Then more sources. Then complain the sources are biased. Then ask impossible follow-up questions. The goal is not understanding. The goal is to turn every conversation into unpaid homework for everyone else.

The Troll Handbook Recommendation 3 Permalink

3. Pretend Not to Understand Obvious Things

This is an advanced technique. You understand perfectly well what was meant, but you act baffled anyway. If performed correctly, everyone else will spend thirty minutes explaining a sentence that needed no explanation.

The Troll Handbook Recommendation 4 Permalink

4. Focus on Tone, Never Substance

If the facts are inconvenient, suddenly become a connoisseur of manners. Ignore the argument entirely and announce that the real issue is someone being impatient after your ninth bad-faith interruption.

The Troll Handbook Recommendation 5 Permalink

5. Nitpick Words to Death

Definitions are useful, but a troll weaponizes them. Pick one phrase, pretend it is catastrophically vague, and stall until the conversation expires of exhaustion.

The Troll Handbook Recommendation 6 Permalink

6. Ask "Just Questions"

Do not make a real claim if you can avoid it. Merely imply one. This lets you spread nonsense while maintaining the expression of an innocent bystander who is merely "raising concerns."

The Troll Handbook Recommendation 7 Permalink

7. Treat Every Error as Total Defeat

If someone misspells a word, forgets a date, or phrases something imperfectly, declare the entire argument demolished. A troll survives by confusing small mistakes with total collapse.

The Troll Handbook Recommendation 8 Permalink

8. Personalize Everything

Why discuss ideas when you can speculate about motives, intelligence, or moral character? Nothing improves a conversation like replacing thought with sneering.

The Troll Handbook Recommendation 9 Permalink

9. Use "lol" and "lmao" as Often as Possible

Laughter is one of the troll's most efficient tools. It allows you to project effortless superiority without the burden of making a real argument. A well-placed "lol" suggests that the other person is beneath serious engagement. An "lmao" goes further and implies that their point has collapsed under the sheer weight of your amusement, whether this has happened or not.

Use these terms generously. Scatter them through replies as seasoning. Place them before weak claims, after unsupported assertions, and anywhere a real rebuttal would require too much work. The objective is to create an atmosphere in which mockery stands in for reasoning and smugness passes for confidence.